Lil Sis, I wish I coulda showed you what you’d see twenty years down the line; maybe then it woulda been different. Wish I coulda somehow made you realize that for every mistake made there is this certainty …consequence is its relentless stalker. 

I saw the clips of you on You Tube standing there outside of that apartment building. No make up on, brazen, beautiful, totally unaware of your self and I remembered what it was like to be nineteen. The confidence fueled by utter ignorance and naiveté; harnessed by the vision that doesn’t see beyond the moment you are in. Oh yes, I remember it well. Like most nineteen year olds you couldn’t tell me anything. I was grown, the world was mine and if given a chance, Hollywood wouldn’t know what hit it. It seems funny now. I knew everything…but I knew NOTHING. And such is life; youth is the gift given absent the wisdom needed to operate it. A time when the voice of sagacity sounds like the “Waa Waa” of a grown up in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Still, in this moment I boldly scream into your storm. Hoping that some how my words will serve as seed to the girl Montana, who will one day be a woman and undoubtedly see things differently.

Lil Sis, I know you think you know what you’re doing but you don’t. Believe me when I tell you they saw you coming a mile away and quickly began sharpening their teeth.

It made no sense to us. Your father a respected A-list actor, a hero of our community, why? Why forsake this legacy? And to participate in something so base and futile as porn. Really?! I mean, was the post office not hiring? How could this be? Why this road? Your explanations so childish and succinct they added more fodder to our shock and disbelief. You wanted to be a star and Kim Kardashian served as your role model. Um, what the ____?! It became obvious you foolishly assumed you could beguile the game. That you thought you had stumbled upon this genius short cut to fame and fortune. The quick fix, microwave no years of training and dues required path. You were cocky like a newbie in Vegas who thought they could out hustle the house. And why not, you’re being talked about, people are paying money to see you naked and you had a Twitter following so you must be on to something, right? No sweetie, you’re not. You have become a new millennial participant to the oldest profession in the world. Steven Hirsch and Vivid Entertainment have ravished you like the slave girl of old. Made your body an obtuse instrument for their currency.

And your profit? Short lived infamy.

In truth Montana, would we even know about you if it weren’t for your last name? But I tell you what, let’s look at the facts of your ‘career move’. It is estimated that the porn industry makes well over 1 billion dollars annually in profit. But it doesn’t stop there; porn also boasts high numbers in STD’s. Over 65% have tested positive for Herpes. And 90% admit to being hard core drug users. Even the darling of porn Jenna Jameson had this to say in her book about the inevitable experience of young girls entering the industry.
“…you’re being penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive a**hole who thinks your name is Bit**”. Ring a bell?
And although porn is an equal opportunity employer it is white women not women of color who are the commodity. And in the countless years and the billions of dollars made not one porn star has ever crossed over to main stream sitcom or feature film fame. There is a reason for that; simply put….the house always wins.

Lil Sis, you have value. And I know you get tired of hearing me say this but GOD was smiling when HE made you. But lets be honest it’s partly my fault, I let this Hip-Hop New Millennial rhetoric convince you that your anatomy was the sum of your worth. Funny thing is back in the day, you actually had to have talent to be famous. 

I can see where the confusion came from. We flock to the stores to buy books written by video vixens famous for performing fellatio. Sex tapes leaked and feigned outrage may just lead to a reality show. It is one hell of a business paradigm. Famous for what most married folks do at night, mediocrity celebrated in the droves. But I guess my question is this: How long can it last? There is a reason Patti Labelle has been celebrated for over forty years, talent. There is a reason we have watched Will Smith and Queen Latifa go from round the way rap stars to cross over celebrities and Academy nominated actors, talent. It is the thing that legends like Sidney Poitier and Lena Horne are made of and no ill hatched quick fix porn gimmick will ever equal that.

Because in all earnestness I say this to you after they have seen you spread eagle, where is there left to go? After your breasts and buttocks have been exposed, semen doused in your face like lava, what more is there to discover? They have used you up. Satisfied the perverse voyeur and soon they will have no more use of you. The media will grow disinterested and your childish ploy for attention and fame will be viewed as a boring temper tantrum. A cautionary tale of what not to do; this is the way of the world.

Lil Sis, after the storm ushers in the harvest,…there is still GOD. After the name calling, the scrutiny, the lies and the shame; HE is there…still. And it is HIS love that remains after all else grows cold. And though the world may try; there is nothing that can separate you from it. 

Montana, I will not lie, porn is the gift that keeps on giving and this mistake will follow you for the rest of your life. Kinda like bad credit, easy to get almost impossible to get rid of. Although I have never made your mistake, I have made a quite a few of my own. Each ripe with consequences that cost me time, money, peace of mind and tested my faith in GOD and myself. And this is what I discovered; it was the mistakes that grew my character. It was the falls that made me stronger. It has been the disappointments that have brought me closer to the knowledge and love of Christ. As Maya Angelou say’s “My life ain’t been no crystal stair”.  So I have no idea what its like to get everything you want but I do know what it is to trust GOD and get everything you need. I don’t know what its like to be given the opportunity to consistently work in my gifts but I do know what it is to learn to not be defined by Hollywood and to recognize my value in spite of it. I don’t know what its like to have never made a stupid mistake but I do know what it is to learn from them dust myself off and give love and life my all once again. One day you will be old like me (smile) and you will reach out to someone younger and share your testimony. Tell them this; it is a quote from the novel ‘Little Bee’ by author Chris Cleave. 

“..a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived”. 

Lil Sis, may you bare the scars of your journey as a woman who has learned the lessons of her choices right and wrong. Infinitely more beautiful for the depth of her knowledge of the redemptive power of Christ. Your head up always…face exposed to the sun. 

Your Big Sis,
Erin

BLACK COLLEGE SOURCE Dialogue